Tired of hearing the same, time-worn excuses for why people don’t attend church services, the Rev. Sidney Laing of Dublin, Ireland, wrote this humorous piece for his parish paper

1. I was made to wash as a child.
2. People who wash are hypocrites; they reckon they are cleaner than other people.
3. There are many different kinds of soap; I could never decide which one was right.
4. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
5. I still wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
6. None of my friends wash.
7. I’m still young. When I’m older and have got a bit dirtier I might start washing.
8. I really don’t have time.
9. The bathroom’s never warm enough.
10. People who make soap are only after your money.